Tag: sexual betrayal

Posted on

Affairs, Cheating, Infidelity, Unfaithful partner, or Betrayal?

Here is another post on affairs, cheating, infidelity, being unfaithful or whatever other euphemism you may want to call it. All those words amount to the same feeling – usually – betrayal!

Feelings of betrayal are the most likely outcome if there was an agreement – implicit or explicit – of sexual exclusivity. A committed  relationship between two people usually means just that. They agree to be committed to one another and that involves a great deal of trust that a partner will remain faithful and respectful to the relationship and refrain from any activity that may jeopardize this agreement.

The sense of betrayal more often than not leads to a grieving process involving shock, denial, anger, confusion, sadness and a host of other feelings that usually go together with the experience of loss.

Elly Taylor in smh.com.au, July 31 2012, discusses the language that may be used when discussing this topic of cheating in her article “The Language We Use To Discuss Cheating“.

Taylor says, “Some affairs are a ‘cry for help’. They can happen because someone is unhappy with the relationship, but is unable or unwilling to work on the problems or terminate the relationship in a respectful way. Quite often, the cheating party doesn’t necessarily want a relationship with the person they are cheating with. Couples can recover from this type of affair if it becomes apparent where things went wrong and both parties are committed to making things work again.

Other affairs happen because someone wants out of a relationship, and wants to be with the person they are cheating with. In 90% of the cases, it doesn’t work out. At this point the ‘cheater’ may want to reconcile with the original partner but often the original partner has moved on.

Then finally, you have someone who wants to reap all the benefits of being in a committed relationship, but wants to have fun on the side as well.  This type of affair is completely narcissistic and involves premeditated and sustained deception and the straying party is also likely to be psychologically and emotionally abusive to the partner. If someone is a “serial offender” like this and doesn’t really want to change, it would be best for the couple to separate and rebuild their lives separately.”

The full article is well worth a read!

Relationship Counselling by Christine Bennett Caring4Couples


 

free hit counter

Please Share!
Posted on

Yet another story of sexual betrayal and public shame

Another story of sexual betrayal and public shame as Andrew Ettingshausen’s marriage misery provides more material for the press.

There is no doubt that sex sells! Stories of sexual betrayal and the intrigue that accompanies the discovery of yet another public figure caught out, sells newspapers and magazines like nothing else! The latest marital mayhem to hit the headlines involves a dude called Andrew Ettingshausen.  Apparently he is a “former Rugby League star” according to The Sydney Morning Herald. I wouldn’t know as I’m an-other-than sports fan and would have no idea who was famous or not. I know, you’re probably thinking I should get a life…..

But!…. I would still like to know, is it that these public figures are delivered and exposed to serve as a reminder to other mere male mortals of the perils of philandering? Or, is it simply that women don’t get caught?

It is interesting that the stories sensationalize mainly men in the public eye who are caught spreading their joy with women other than their wives. Is it because famous women don’t do it or is it that they simply aren’t found out?…..Or aren’t we interested anyway?

I do know that the damage to a relationship is just as great irrespective of who ventures outside the marriage or committed relationship for sex. And there sits a big assumption anyway. Is it REALLY about the sex? I hear often enough from clients that an emotional void in their primary relationship has led them to seek solace elsewhere. Sometimes the criticism and put-downs delivered by a spouse on a regular basis are enough to drive the recipient  out of their bedroom somewhere more accepting and nurturing.

Bettina Arndt in smh.com.au. June 3 2012 has her views on the subject. “With every fresh sex scandal, the experts line up to pontificate on why these successful men, men who have everything, take such risks for the sake of sex. In Ettingshausen’s case, his lapse has been blamed on depression triggered by concern about his financial affairs. It is often suggested well-known men are risk-takers, narcissists who assume they don’t have to play by ordinary rules.

Successful men are used to winning, used to getting away with it. Many of the theories make sense, but the real truth is that many of these are pretty normal men with luscious options jumping into their laps.”

Read full article by Bettina Arndt smh.com.au

Do you have a view on this topic? Please contribute to this post by offering your opinion!

Relationship Counselling by Christine Bennett caring4couples.com.au

 

free hit counter

Please Share!