Lest We Forget….

Today is ANZAC Day and the TV is tuned to the traditional ANZAC Day march. My partner is watching, I am only hearing. I’m hearing the marching bands play their traditional music, I’m hearing the commentators do what commentators do. And as all this proceeds I remember my father and grandfathers who are no longer here to march.

As children, my sister and I would sit with Mum, glued to the television set, anxiously waiting for a glimpse of Dad as he marched with his mates from  the 5th Australian Survey Battery.

I am reminded again of the passing of time. As the saying goes, the only constant in life is change. This is true of war, family relationships, friendships and intimate relationships. They aren’t supposed to stay the same. However it can take some conscious adjustment to accept that life goes on and people we once loved as an integral part of life, have passed on.

Thank goodness for babies! As much as I miss my Dad, my daughter is busy breeding. So far two delightful boys keep me on my toes and there is a little girl on her way to arrive soon. The flow of life continues as nature intended…..

Intimate relationships also have their natural flow. Starting off at conception with the fire of passion and uncertainty, a healthy relationship will evolve over time into a more stable, mature entity. Like anything worthwhile it needs to be nurtured, given loving attention and above all involve the utmost respect.

“World-renowned researcher on marriage and relationships, Dr. John Gottman, says there are four negative patterns that often sound familiar to fighting couples.”

Gottman refers to the these four negative elements as “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Read full article Four Negative Patterns That Predict Divorce from andersoncooper.com

In summary Gottman’s Four Horsemen are:

  1. Criticism
  2. Contempt
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling or the silent treatment

According to Gottman, there are three things you should never say in a fight with your partner.

  1. Your never…
  2. You always
  3. Anything insulting, or acted superior

Are you guilty? What would you need to do in order to protect your relationship form these negative Four Horsmen? Please leave your comments! They are welcome here :-)

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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Would an affair mean the end of your marriage or relationship?

“Do affairs cause bad marriages … or do bad marriages cause affairs?

All affairs can cause bad marriages but not all bad marriages cause affairs. Having an affair, cheating on a spouse, is no way to solve problems in a marriage.

While it certainly can be true that problems in a marriage can lead to loneliness, unhappiness and sadness, making a decision to have an affair is the responsibility of the person who makes the choice to cheat.”

Sally Connolly discusses the different reasons for affairs in her blog article Bad  Marriages and Affairs (April 3 2012). It makes interesting reading and invites the question of what comes first? Does a bad marriage lead to an affair or does an affair bring on the demise of a marriage?

What are your views and /or experience? If your partner had an affair would it mean the end of your relationship for you? Feel free to start a discussion!

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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What is Your Online Dating Experience? Have You Found The One through Online Dating?

Online dating ten years ago was something you only did if you were desperate. Very few people who were members of online dating sites would admit to having a profile posted and when asked by friends how a dating couple had met, then the answer was usually anything other than “online”. There was some embarrassment or even shame attached to answering the question honestly.

These days finding a date and even a life partner through an online dating service is commonplace. The “you must be desperate” stigma is no longer there. It is so “normal” now to find a date online that there is huge competition among the sites all aiming to attract clientele.

A number of sites now use so called “scientific” matching techniques and offer the potential dater suitable profiles to peruse. Some of these sites remove the ability of the user to review profiles themselves. It is all done from completely a psychological profile that is matched with someone compatible behind the scenes.

In an article written by Drake Bennett (Bloomburg Business Week), this practice is questioned. “Writing in the current issue of Psychological Science in the Public Interest (PSPI), five psychologists who specialize in the study of human relationships argue that, while increasing the potential matches does increase the odds that a person will find a romantic partner, the rest of what online dating sites offer doesn’t do much at all. And some of the services the websites offer might backfire, causing users to overlook people they might be happy with.”

Follow this link to read Love Under the Algorithms – The Shaky Science of Online Dating.

Would you like to share your experience of online dating? Has it worked for you? Please add you comments!

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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How important is humour when it comes to sex?

According to Laurie Davis from yourtango.com, adding a generous dose of laughter and humour to your repertoire can do wonders for your sex life whether you are single and dating or well ensconced in couplehood.

A recent study on humour revealed that 87% of men and 74% of women say that “humorous flirtation can get them in the mood for sex”.

In the American study, 43% preferred a partner with a “goofy” sense of humour and 64% agreed “that besides chemistry, a ‘sense of  humor’ is the most important quality for a successful relationship”.

Read full article: Why Humor is Sexy: A Zoosk Study by Laurie Davis

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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What is your communication style?

Communication happens whether we think it is or not…..Even in silence you are communicating something!

Men and women are different too, which also complicates the whole communication thing.Women most often would like a sympathetic ear to be able to share their day – with or without frustrations they have encountered. Once a man hears about any frustration or problem his lady has encountered, instead of listening attentively and providing validation and empathy, he most likely wants to jump in and do the manly thing of fixing things!!

This desire to “provide” for his lady is often met with more frustration if she simply wants him to listen.

Here is what you may find to be an interesting article on this topic:

6 Ways that Men and Women Communicate Differently

This guest article from YourTango was written by Richard Drobnick

“Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.

Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of, to help improve your communications with your partner and make them smoother and more effective.”

Please add your comments – they are always welcome.

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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