Good morning and welcome to my Blog on online dating – by long distance. I was asked to write an article on this topic, so here goes!
Firstly, online dating is a fantastic way for people to meet. I’m using the word “meet” here in the broader context of either in person, face to face or a “virtual meet” online. And there is a big, big difference between meeting someone face to face or virtually.
With online dating, the whole introductory process in conducted online – by its very nature!! This is obvious…..Kisses are sent or other form of interest is shown, then come the emails and then maybe more emails, SMS and phone calls. At this point, it is usual to consider meeting in person if there seems to be enough sparks flying.
Meeting in person to me, is the crucial part of the dating experience. It forces the connection into a reality state rather than a virtual or fantasy state. From my own experience and what I have heard from clients, there is a lot of creative marketing practices happening in the world of online dating. I was even told by one brazen bloke that I was naive to think that profiles would display the real age of a would-be dater. He assured me that most people fudged their age by at least two years if not more.
I have also heard stories where two people have met in person for the first time and one party was unrecognizable because she had posted her daughter’s photo instead of her own. This can lead to feelings of disappointment, anger at having precious time wasted and a cynicism about the online dating experience.
It takes courage, a healthy self esteem and lots of patience to enter the world of online dating. So, it doesn’t help when the person you believe you have a nice connection with turns out to be a fraudulent fantasy.
Now if your intention is to conduct an online relationship to fill a fantasy need with lots of romantic emails, possibly based in fiction, then online dating by long distance will fill that need. Just be really, really careful if the person lives internationally and needs some financial help in coming to meet you. They may even suggest you buy your own ticket to their country and once you arrive, make it difficult for you to leave once you have come face to face with reality.
Nightmare stories of this nature have made headlines.
So my views of online dating – long distance, is that it simply remains a fantasy unless you eventually plan on meeting and then my view becomes – it could be disappointing or even dangerous.
10 Questions I would ask before entering into online dating long distance:
- What are my intentions for going online? What sort of relationship am I looking for? Am I looking for a virtual romantic fantasy, pen pal, friendship, long term life partner etc?
- What are the intentions of the other person? What does he or she write in their profile that caught your interest?
- What do they say about the possibility of meeting or not?
- How long will the online dating continue?
- What form is it going to take?
- Are they suggesting meeting for online virtual sex?
- Are you comfortable with that?
- Does that sort of “relationship” suit you and what is important to you about that if it is?
- If the other person wants to eventually meet, how can you check out that they are legit?
- Has any of their communications to you been suspicious or have you had any uneasy feelings during your time online with them?
Please leave your comments below. What are your views on online dating long distance?
Relationship Counselling By Christine Bennett Caring4Couples