Online Dating – Long Distance

Good morning and welcome to my Blog on online dating – by long distance. I was asked to write an article on this topic, so here goes!

Firstly, online dating is a fantastic way for people to meet. I’m using the word “meet” here in the broader context of either in person, face to face or a “virtual meet” online. And there is a big, big difference between meeting someone face to face or virtually.

With online dating, the whole introductory process in conducted online – by its very nature!! This is obvious…..Kisses are sent or other form of interest is shown, then come the emails and then maybe more emails, SMS and phone calls. At this point, it is usual to consider meeting in person if there seems to be enough sparks flying.

Meeting in person to me, is the crucial part of the dating experience. It forces the connection into a reality state rather than a virtual or fantasy state. From my own experience and what I have heard from clients, there is a lot of creative marketing practices happening in the world of online dating. I was even told by one brazen bloke that I was naive to think that profiles would display the real age of a would-be dater. He assured me that most people fudged their age by at least two years if not more.

I have also heard stories where two people have met in person for the first time and one party was unrecognizable because she had posted her daughter’s photo instead of her own. This can lead to feelings of disappointment, anger at having precious time wasted and a cynicism about the online dating experience.

It takes courage, a healthy self esteem and lots of patience to enter the world of online dating. So, it doesn’t help when the person you believe you have a nice connection with turns out to be a fraudulent fantasy.

Now if your intention is to conduct an online relationship to fill a fantasy need with lots of romantic emails, possibly based in fiction, then online dating by long distance will fill that need. Just be really, really careful if the person lives internationally and needs some financial help in coming to meet you. They may even suggest you buy your own ticket to their country and once you arrive, make it difficult for you to leave once you have come face to face with reality.

Nightmare stories of this nature have made headlines.

So my views of online dating – long distance, is that it simply remains a fantasy unless you eventually plan on meeting and then my view becomes – it could be disappointing or even dangerous.

10 Questions I would ask before entering into online dating long distance:

  1. What are my intentions for going online? What sort of relationship am I looking for? Am I looking for a virtual romantic fantasy, pen pal, friendship, long term life partner etc?
  2. What are the intentions of the other person? What does he or she write in their profile that caught your interest?
  3. What do they say about the possibility of meeting or not?
  4. How long will the online dating continue?
  5. What form is it going to take?
  6. Are they suggesting meeting for online virtual sex?
  7. Are you comfortable with that?
  8. Does that sort of “relationship” suit you and what is important to you about that if it is?
  9. If the other person wants to eventually meet, how can you check out that they are legit?
  10. Has any of their communications to you been suspicious or have you had any uneasy feelings during your time online with them?

Please leave your comments below. What are your views on online dating long distance?

Relationship Counselling By Christine Bennett Caring4Couples

 

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What is Your Online Dating Experience? Have You Found The One through Online Dating?

Online dating ten years ago was something you only did if you were desperate. Very few people who were members of online dating sites would admit to having a profile posted and when asked by friends how a dating couple had met, then the answer was usually anything other than “online”. There was some embarrassment or even shame attached to answering the question honestly.

These days finding a date and even a life partner through an online dating service is commonplace. The “you must be desperate” stigma is no longer there. It is so “normal” now to find a date online that there is huge competition among the sites all aiming to attract clientele.

A number of sites now use so called “scientific” matching techniques and offer the potential dater suitable profiles to peruse. Some of these sites remove the ability of the user to review profiles themselves. It is all done from completely a psychological profile that is matched with someone compatible behind the scenes.

In an article written by Drake Bennett (Bloomburg Business Week), this practice is questioned. “Writing in the current issue of Psychological Science in the Public Interest (PSPI), five psychologists who specialize in the study of human relationships argue that, while increasing the potential matches does increase the odds that a person will find a romantic partner, the rest of what online dating sites offer doesn’t do much at all. And some of the services the websites offer might backfire, causing users to overlook people they might be happy with.”

Follow this link to read Love Under the Algorithms – The Shaky Science of Online Dating.

Would you like to share your experience of online dating? Has it worked for you? Please add you comments!

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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