Marriage Counselling – Recover from a Cheating Partner

Finding out that your partner has been cheating on you is something nobody wants to discover.

It leads to heartache and grief that takes a long time, if ever to find relief.  It can take years to recover trust. Doing the work of re-establishing trust can seem onerous for the partner who has done the cheating. However it is absolutely necessary if healing is to occur and the couple is to regain emotional and sexual intimacy.

It takes a strong and ongoing commitment by the primary couple to do the work of reconnection. There needs to be a daily commitment of demonstrating caring behaviours and planning fun, light-hearted activities together.

Basically there needs to be a new relationship established with new ground rules that may never have even been explored in the initial stages of relationship. This is necessary now. If one partner has certain expectations of how things are going to be played out while their partner has no idea, then things can go awry.

Most people aren’t psychic enough to figure out what their partner’s needs and wants are without being told. It is common however to hear, “He/she has known me long enough, he/she should know what I want without me having to say anything! Can’t they see the mess!”

Although it only takes one person to stray, cheating is a choice. It is a choice that is usually made when feeling disconnected from a partner without the knowledge or experience to handle things differently.

Feeling safe to communicate how you are feeling to your partner is important. The longer things are left to fester, the more distance is created and the gap gets wider over time.

There may be a reluctance to hurt a partner’s feelings by revealing the truth about frustrations or there may have been just too much conflict for self revelation to be a safe option.

This is where marriage counselling can help. During the counselling process the counsellor facilitates communication between the couple and coaches them how to stay safe even when feeling vulnerable with raw emotions.

Caring4Couples specializes in teaching the Imago Couples Dialogue which is a very subtle, yet powerful communication process for healing the hurt.
Couples Counselling: Christine Bennett

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Yet another story of sexual betrayal and public shame

Another story of sexual betrayal and public shame as Andrew Ettingshausen’s marriage misery provides more material for the press.

There is no doubt that sex sells! Stories of sexual betrayal and the intrigue that accompanies the discovery of yet another public figure caught out, sells newspapers and magazines like nothing else! The latest marital mayhem to hit the headlines involves a dude called Andrew Ettingshausen.  Apparently he is a “former Rugby League star” according to The Sydney Morning Herald. I wouldn’t know as I’m an-other-than sports fan and would have no idea who was famous or not. I know, you’re probably thinking I should get a life…..

But!…. I would still like to know, is it that these public figures are delivered and exposed to serve as a reminder to other mere male mortals of the perils of philandering? Or, is it simply that women don’t get caught?

It is interesting that the stories sensationalize mainly men in the public eye who are caught spreading their joy with women other than their wives. Is it because famous women don’t do it or is it that they simply aren’t found out?…..Or aren’t we interested anyway?

I do know that the damage to a relationship is just as great irrespective of who ventures outside the marriage or committed relationship for sex. And there sits a big assumption anyway. Is it REALLY about the sex? I hear often enough from clients that an emotional void in their primary relationship has led them to seek solace elsewhere. Sometimes the criticism and put-downs delivered by a spouse on a regular basis are enough to drive the recipient  out of their bedroom somewhere more accepting and nurturing.

Bettina Arndt in smh.com.au. June 3 2012 has her views on the subject. “With every fresh sex scandal, the experts line up to pontificate on why these successful men, men who have everything, take such risks for the sake of sex. In Ettingshausen’s case, his lapse has been blamed on depression triggered by concern about his financial affairs. It is often suggested well-known men are risk-takers, narcissists who assume they don’t have to play by ordinary rules.

Successful men are used to winning, used to getting away with it. Many of the theories make sense, but the real truth is that many of these are pretty normal men with luscious options jumping into their laps.”

Read full article by Bettina Arndt smh.com.au

Do you have a view on this topic? Please contribute to this post by offering your opinion!

Relationship Counselling by Christine Bennett caring4couples.com.au

 

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