How to Resolve Conflict for Couples

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but it can be difficult to navigate when it arises between you and your partner. Whether you’re experiencing a disagreement over something small or something more significant, it’s important to approach conflict with a mindset of resolution and understanding. Here are some tips for couples experiencing conflict:

  1. Listen to each other: When conflict arises, it’s important to listen to your partner’s perspective. Try to understand where they’re coming from and why they feel the way they do. Avoid interrupting or dismissing their feelings, and instead, give them your full attention.
  2. Communicate effectively: Communication is key when it comes to resolving conflict. Be clear and concise about your own feelings and thoughts, and try to avoid using accusatory language. Instead of saying “you always do this,” try saying “when this happens, it makes me feel…” This approach can help your partner understand your perspective without feeling attacked.
  3. Take a break if needed: If the conflict becomes too heated, it’s okay to take a break. Sometimes stepping away from the situation can help you both cool down and approach the conversation with a clearer mindset. Just be sure to agree on a time to reconvene and continue the discussion.
  4. Find common ground: When you’re experiencing conflict, it’s easy to focus on your differences. However, finding common ground can help you both move toward resolution. Try to identify areas where you both agree, and build from there.
  5. Seek outside help if needed: If you’re having trouble resolving conflict on your own, seeking outside help can be beneficial. Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you both work through your issues in a safe and supportive environment.

Remember, conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be a negative experience. By approaching conflict with a mindset of resolution and understanding, you and your partner can work through your differences and strengthen your relationship in the process.

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Lest We Forget….

Today is ANZAC Day and the TV is tuned to the traditional ANZAC Day march. My partner is watching, I am only hearing. I’m hearing the marching bands play their traditional music, I’m hearing the commentators do what commentators do. And as all this proceeds I remember my father and grandfathers who are no longer here to march.

As children, my sister and I would sit with Mum, glued to the television set, anxiously waiting for a glimpse of Dad as he marched with his mates from  the 5th Australian Survey Battery.

I am reminded again of the passing of time. As the saying goes, the only constant in life is change. This is true of war, family relationships, friendships and intimate relationships. They aren’t supposed to stay the same. However it can take some conscious adjustment to accept that life goes on and people we once loved as an integral part of life, have passed on.

Thank goodness for babies! As much as I miss my Dad, my daughter is busy breeding. So far two delightful boys keep me on my toes and there is a little girl on her way to arrive soon. The flow of life continues as nature intended…..

Intimate relationships also have their natural flow. Starting off at conception with the fire of passion and uncertainty, a healthy relationship will evolve over time into a more stable, mature entity. Like anything worthwhile it needs to be nurtured, given loving attention and above all involve the utmost respect.

“World-renowned researcher on marriage and relationships, Dr. John Gottman, says there are four negative patterns that often sound familiar to fighting couples.”

Gottman refers to the these four negative elements as “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Read full article Four Negative Patterns That Predict Divorce from andersoncooper.com

In summary Gottman’s Four Horsemen are:

  1. Criticism
  2. Contempt
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling or the silent treatment

According to Gottman, there are three things you should never say in a fight with your partner.

  1. Your never…
  2. You always
  3. Anything insulting, or acted superior

Are you guilty? What would you need to do in order to protect your relationship form these negative Four Horsmen? Please leave your comments! They are welcome here 🙂

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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