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How to Resolve Conflict for Couples

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but it can be difficult to navigate when it arises between you and your partner. Whether you’re experiencing a disagreement over something small or something more significant, it’s important to approach conflict with a mindset of resolution and understanding. Here are some tips for couples experiencing conflict:

  1. Listen to each other: When conflict arises, it’s important to listen to your partner’s perspective. Try to understand where they’re coming from and why they feel the way they do. Avoid interrupting or dismissing their feelings, and instead, give them your full attention.
  2. Communicate effectively: Communication is key when it comes to resolving conflict. Be clear and concise about your own feelings and thoughts, and try to avoid using accusatory language. Instead of saying “you always do this,” try saying “when this happens, it makes me feel…” This approach can help your partner understand your perspective without feeling attacked.
  3. Take a break if needed: If the conflict becomes too heated, it’s okay to take a break. Sometimes stepping away from the situation can help you both cool down and approach the conversation with a clearer mindset. Just be sure to agree on a time to reconvene and continue the discussion.
  4. Find common ground: When you’re experiencing conflict, it’s easy to focus on your differences. However, finding common ground can help you both move toward resolution. Try to identify areas where you both agree, and build from there.
  5. Seek outside help if needed: If you’re having trouble resolving conflict on your own, seeking outside help can be beneficial. Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you both work through your issues in a safe and supportive environment.

Remember, conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be a negative experience. By approaching conflict with a mindset of resolution and understanding, you and your partner can work through your differences and strengthen your relationship in the process.

#RelationshipAdvice #CommunicationSkills #ConflictResolution #CouplesTherapy #HealthyRelationships #LoveAndRelationships #MarriageCounseling #CoupleGoals #RelationshipGoals #BuildingStrongRelationships #CoupleCommunication #MarriageAdvice #RelationshipTips #CoupleTherapy #RelationshipCounseling #HealthyMarriage #RelationshipHelp #CoupleConflict #MarriageGoals #CoupleGoalsAchieved #RelationshipSupport #CoupleSupport #LoveWins #HappilyEverAfter

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5 Tips for Building a Stronger Relationship with Your Partner

Are you searching for ways to strengthen your relationship with your partner? Maintaining a healthy relationship isn’t always easy, but it’s worth making the effort. Here are 5 tips to help you build a stronger, more satisfying partnership:

1/ Prioritize Communication: Whether you’re discussing your day-to-day activities or your broader goals and aspirations, communication is key in any relationship. Take the time to really listen to what your partner has to say, and be honest and transparent when you’re sharing your own thoughts and feelings.

2/ Cultivate Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s an essential skill in any relationship, as it helps you connect with your partner on a deeper level. Try to see things from your partner’s perspective, and be supportive and compassionate when they’re going through a tough time.

3/ Respect Boundaries: Everyone has their own individual needs and boundaries, and it’s important to respect these in your relationship. Make sure you’re clear about your own boundaries, and be willing to listen to your partner’s as well. This helps build trust and reinforces your commitment to each other.

4/ Practice Gratitude: It’s easy to take your partner for granted, especially when you’ve been together for a long time. Make an effort to acknowledge and express gratitude for the things that your partner does for you, whether it’s something small like making you coffee in the morning or more significant, like providing emotional support when you need it.

5/ Invest in Your Relationship: Relationships require time and effort to maintain, so make sure you’re investing in your partnership on a regular basis. This might mean scheduling monthly date nights, taking a weekend away together, or simply carving out time each day to connect and communicate.

Building a strong and healthy relationship takes work, but it’s worth it in the end. By prioritizing communication, empathy, respect, gratitude, and investment, you can create a partnership that is fulfilling, satisfying, and long-lasting. So go ahead and put these tips into practice, and watch as your relationship grows and flourishes over time!

#strongrelationships #communicationiskey #practicegratitude

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IMPACT OF CURRENT FINANCIAL CLIMATE ON MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS

It’s no secret that the COVID-19 pandemic has left many people uncertain about their financial future. With widespread job losses and reduced incomes, the economic fallout from the pandemic has left many couples struggling to cope with financial stress.

According to a recent survey conducted by the National Endowment for Financial Education, over a third of Americans say that money is the biggest source of stress in their relationships. This is hardly surprising, given that financial worries can lead to arguments, tension, and even breakups.

One way that the pandemic has impacted marriage relationships is by highlighting existing disparities in financial literacy and money management skills. For couples who were already struggling with financial issues before the pandemic hit, the sudden loss of income and increased financial pressure may have added an extra layer of stress to an already difficult situation.

On the other hand, the pandemic has also forced some couples to re-evaluate their spending habits and priorities. With many restaurants and entertainment options closed, couples may have had to find new ways to have fun and spend time together. This may have led to a greater emphasis on saving money and being more mindful about spending habits.

Overall, the impact of the current financial climate on marriage relationships is complex and multifaceted. While the pandemic has certainly added an extra layer of stress to already-tense situations, it has also created opportunities for couples to work together to navigate difficult financial times. By being open and communicative about their financial concerns, couples can weather the storm together and emerge stronger on the other side.

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Marriage – What is the best age?

MARRIAGE – WHAT IS THE BEST AGE TO SAY “I DO”?

More and more couples are waiting longer to enter marriage these days rather than opt to walk down the aisle in late adolescence or early twenties as was the norm in earlier generations.

Recent research by Nicholas Wolfinger (University of Utah) indicates that the ideal age range to ensure a successful marriage is between 28 and 32 years.

ringsAccording to Wolfinger “The odds of divorce decline as you age from your teenage years through your late twenties and early thirties.” He also believes that “thereafter, the chances of divorce go up again as you move into your late thirties and early forties.”
Source: Independent.co.uk

To me it makes some sense that an older couple embarking on the journey of marriage are more likely to succeed long term. However, there are always two sides to every story and I’ll give 10 points here for and against. I’d love to hear your comments  at the end of this post!

MARRIAGE: ADVANTAGES OF WAITING UNTIL LATE TWENTIES, EARLY THIRTIES

  1. There has been time to “grow up” and forge a solid identity.
  2. In knowing who you are, it is easier to identify a potential partner who will support and encourage your life goals and vice versa.
  3. There has been time to complete studies or career training without other commitments and responsibilities.
  4. Careers take energy and commitment to establish – easier to do without competition from spouse and/or children.
  5. There has been time to “play the field”, experimenting with different relationships.
  6. Experiencing relationships with a variety of partners makes it less likely to feel trapped or wondering if the right choice has been made.
  7. If travel is important, then marrying later allows time to explore wider horizons, foot loose and fancy free.
  8. Greater financial resources are available.
  9. There is more likelihood of entering marriage with eyes wide open.
  10. After experiencing life living independently, you are more likely to enter marriage with a preference for sharing your life with a loving partner, rather than through fear of being alone.

MARRIAGE – ADVANTAGES OF MARRYING YOUNG

  1.  Less chance of being let down by multiple partners resulting in wounds carried into future relationships.
  2. Less jealousy and insecurities about your partner’s romantic history.
  3. An opportunity to grow up together.
  4. There is a larger market of eligible potential partners around the younger you are.
  5. Time to enjoy traveling together, sharing resources before children arrive.
  6. Having a loving partner to support while study is completed and careers are established.
  7. For a woman falling pregnant becomes more difficult with age. So early marriage provides the opportunity to take advantage of the most fertile years.
  8. There is time to enjoy married life together before feeling the pressure of starting a family.
  9. Young couples are more likely to be more adaptable to each other rather than being set in their ways.
  10. Entering marriage at an earlier age is perfect for enjoying safe and regular sexual intimacy when your libido is at it’s peak.

So, what do you think? Is the research valid? I would love to hear your comments and experience related to this topic. And please share!

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Loving and Being Loved

IS LOVING AND BEING LOVED EASY? OR IS IT A CHALLENGE?

Guest article by Leslee Hughes Core Energetics Therapist

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Some of us can love and some can receive love but are we open to both?

Our minds may want this but our hearts are a totally different vulnerable segment of our body and may be screaming, “no way!”

Do you know that if you were hurt in the first 7 years of life (and there is a likelihood that we all have been) that there is a high probability that you may be defended. Your body even shows the hurts!

How you may ask?  By armoring around the chest front and back, shoulders rolling in to protect the heart, splits, dents, leaks and hollows, it is like you can actually really see a hurt or a wound.

We protect ourselves from feeling any more pain, by diverting energy away from our heart centre so as not to feel and generally wear a mask portraying that we are OK.

Our hearts can think and feel, so without our heart being open and flowing with energy we struggle in the love and relationship department.

Our mask covers what is called called a lower self defense against any attempts to love and trust.

DEPENDING ON THE DEVELOPMENTAL AGE OF THE CHILD,  THE WOUNDS YOU CARRY MAY BE DIFFERENT:

  1. THE DAYDREAMER:  The foetus in the womb. Do you feel Mum’s pain or unhappiness? Do you wonder am I wanted? You may come into the world not trusting, fearful and not sure if you belong.THE TASK is to learn to trust again and to claim your space in the world by getting in your body and unfreezing your energy system. Here I am!
  2. THE NEEDY: From birth to about 18 months of age. There is a great need for love but there is a lack of feeling loved. This may be due to a lack of attention or food or connection. There is never enough love, or it is disappointing and may even turn hateful.THE TASK here is to learn to love yourself! You set the standard!
  3. THE COMPLIANT:  From 18 months to 3 years. The child has to be good, may be smothered, learns to say a lot of yes’s but feels unable to say no as there will be repercussions. Caught with pleasing others and not self, can become very resentful and withholding.THE TASK here is to find your YES to life and happiness, quite often self hate and pleasure-anxiety have been in the way. Your needs are important!
  4. The Prince & Princess: 3 1/2 to 5 years old. The child is built up to be more than the parent of the same sex, some seduction and betrayal, I am special, no I am not.THE TASK here is to become real with our equality to the same sex and to get grounded or there is always a “pie in the sky” big idea but no inner ground.
  5. The Perfectionist: 5 – 7 years old.  I am perfect. You will not find anything wrong with me. Feelings of rejection from the parent of the opposite sex are hidden by the perfect picture but the love of the heart is rigidified and unsafe. Disconnection between the heart and the pelvis. Sex without love and love without sex.THE TASK here is to become vulnerable and realise that you are equal to others or life can become a lonely place.

WHAT IS CORE ENERGETICS?

Core Energetics as a therapy is based on the capacity to love and be loved. Why should you be the exception?

As we explore the defenses to the heart and heal old wounds and new, tenderness and vulnerability emerges, the child is redeemed and you are more whole. There is wonder in the eyes and it is like an awakening to a new world. Your heart is humming and MAGIC is in the air!

To change your energy and your life, contact Leslee for a one on one session to take the journey to your Core (Heart) and bring YOUR heart to your home!

Leslee-HughesLeslee Hughes is one of the most senior members of Core Energetics in Australia.  She is an experienced Body Mind Psychotherapist (Somatic Psychotherapist) who works in Sydney and the Central Coast of New South Wales. Leslee is a Member of the Psychotherapy & Counselling Federation of Australia and a Clinical member of the Counsellor’s and Psychotherapists Association.

Leslee works one on one with individuals, couples, families and is able to do phone or Skype sessions. You can call Leslee on 0407934499 or email mail@lesleehughes.com.au
Check out Leslee’s website for more details: www.lesleehughes.com.au

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Changing Beliefs With Brainwave Entrainment

What is Brainwave Entrainment?

Brainwave entrainment uses technology to assist the brain to access specific frequencies depending on what we would like to achieve.

In the normal waking state our brains usually operate at Beta frequency. When we are relaxed and during meditation, the brain enters Alpha frequency allowing us to feel calm and relaxed as acetylcholine is released.

If the brain operates for long periods in high Beta frequencies, agitation and anxiety may result from an excessive production of dopamine. Brainwave entrainment is a particularly useful way of rapidly altering the brainwave frequencies to assist in reducing anxiety or depression.

meditation-musicBrainwave States and Frequency Following Response

Using brainwave entrainment, access to particular brainwave states is possible where learning, belief changes and change of mood can take place in an extraordinary way.

There is a natural tendency of the brain to have a Frequency Following Response. The brain tends to tune in to the rhythms of what is around in the environment. For example, when the brain tunes in to catchy dance music, the body is usually inclined to move in sync with the music and mood is likely to improve accordingly.

So with brainwave entrainment, beats and frequencies are used to enable the brain to reach the preferred brainwave state for optimal learning or personal change. The neurons in the brain then start firing at specific frequencies. When this happens, neurochemicals and endorphins are released.

Brainwave Entrainment, Belief Changes and Emotional State Regulation

When brainwave entrainment is combined with affirmations, the affirmations are far more effective in reaching the subconscious mind where real change occurs. While operating in Theta frequency, the brain releases a hormone called LTP (Long Term Potentiation). Without this hormone, your affirmations may be heard, but they are not retained.

During childhood between the ages of 2 and 6 years, the brain operates mainly in Theta. This is why children are so susceptible to taking on beliefs as well as having an amazing capacity to learn.

Overcoming Anxiety and Depression

Brainwave entrainment has been shown to increase neural pathways. More are actually created. This is useful for creating new happiness pathways to overcome anxiety and depression as well as new learning and personal change. Brainwave entrainment is even more effective than hypnosis. Negative belief patterns and beliefs can be changed in a similar way to hypnotic induction, only at a much deeper level. This makes any type of personal change that much easier. By simply listening to brainwave technology with recorded affirmations on a digital music device (with headphones), significant change becomes readily achievable.

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Mental Health Month October

Mental Health Day is officially October 10 and so the focus for this month is on mental wellbeing.

“The theme for Mental Health Month this year is ‘beYOUnique!’ This theme promotes acceptance and an understanding of the impact that being proud of who we are can have on our wellbeing.”
Source and more information is available at Mental Health Association NSW.

SO what makes you unique? What is special about you  that is appreciated by your friends, work colleagues, family or loved ones?

affirmations-downloadsSome people may have a problem answering those questions – particularly if there was little or no healthy development of self worth in the formative years.

Healthy, well functioning parenting usually results in healthy, well functioning children who leave the nest as healthy, well functioning, independent adults, ready to make their way in the wider world.

If you are suffering from anxiety, depression or poor (even mediocre)  self image, chances are your upbringing may have been less than optimal. Statistically this means the majority of humans walking this Earth today have some level of wounding that can be triggered by a look, a word, a deed when least expected.

Negative thought patterns are often initiated in this way. You may have felt criticised or just heard a comment that set off your internal wounding with corresponding negative thoughts and feelings. This can vary from mild discomfort through feelings of shame or humiliation through to a full blown panic attack.

The person most likely to have this impact is your nearest and dearest. They are the one who matters the most. There is usually a significant emotional investment in the relationship with your significant other. That makes it important to keep the boat from rocking too hard – or worse sinking. This is where defence mechanisms come into play and usually only succeed in making matters worse – creating a bigger disconnect.

The Imago Dialogue is great as an alternative to defence games and will usually result in deeper understanding and rapport with your partner. Better than days of the cold shoulder! It is a way of  communication which makes it safe to discuss sensitive, emotionally charged issues with your partner.

Actions you can take right now

  1. Visit the Mental Health Association NSW and download your Mental Health Month NSW Starter Kit.
  2. Light a candle in a quiet place with pen and paper or your smart device and write down at least three qualities you have that are unique to you and express gratitude for having these gifts.
  3. Go a step further! Each night before you go to bed, quietly contemplate and add an additional quality to your list for the whole month of October!!
  4. Paste the list somewhere you will see it every day or make it your home screen on your fave digital whizz bang.
  5. Enjoy!!

About the author:
Christine Bennett is a private practitioner committed to a non-judgmental approach of helping couples, individuals and families enjoy more fulfilling, loving relationships with themselves and others. Christine also helps separated couples reach agreements for parenting plans, financial settlements and bullying disputes.

Websites managed by Christine Bennett:
Caring4Couples | Christine Bennett Consulting | Psyche-Care |
North Shore Family Mediation | Stop the Bullying
© Christine Bennett

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Reprogram your subconscious mind

It is difficult to ignore the increasing information being presented through scientific research about the brain and the mind. How our brain works and which part is responsible for different functions, is being reported on a daily basis. “Neuroplasticity” seems to be the new buzz word around scientific and therapeutic circles and Bruce Lipton PhD, stem cell biologist (best selling author of Biology of Belief), is busy spreading the word on the extraordinary power of our subconscious mind comparative to the measly 5% influence of our conscious mind.

Cells carry memories of our beliefs and can be reprogrammed.
Cells carry memories of our beliefs and can be reprogrammed.

Bruce Lipton’s research and information about how cells work and how the mind works, in addition to using techniques such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic-Programing with my clients, has led me to experiment with affirmations recorded with theta brain wave frequencies and a non-intrusive sound track.

So, if you were my client and wanted to change some aspect of your life, we would explore what beliefs you may be harboring in your subconscious that were sabotaging your conscious desires to change. And according to Bruce Lipton the subconscious is one million times more powerful than conscious will power – so there needs to be some heavy duty mechanism available to change long-held, firmly entrenched self limiting beliefs.

So in addition to techniques outlined above, I record a set of positive affirmations based on your own desires for change and give you your own unique set of affirmations to listen to on a daily basis through headphones while in a relaxed state. There is tons of research that shows that affirmations on their own do NOT work! This is because of the power differential of the subconscious saboteurs and conscious desires. I’ve already mentioned which side will win!

So the only way to win is to  access the subconscious mind and make changes where the limiting beliefs originated before the tender age of seven years. The language of the affirmations needs to be simple – keeping in mind that the original beliefs were formed when language skills were that of an infant.

The recorded affirmations need to be heard in a brain state that bypasses conscious objections and ridicule. This is why the theta brainwave is important. This is the brainwave state in which a pre-seven-year-old mostly experiences life and what survival mechanisms will ensure survival in their family. This is  mighty important stuff for the survival in the family of origin. However it rarely, if ever works in adult intimate relationships.

I found a podcast today where Bruce Lipton offers seven ways to reprogram the subconscious mind. I hope you find it interesting!

About the author:
Christine Bennett is a private practitioner committed to a non-judgmental approach of helping couples, individuals and families enjoy more fulfilling, loving relationships with themselves and others. Christine also helps separated couples reach agreements for parenting plans, financial settlements and bullying disputes.

Websites managed by Christine Bennett:
Caring4Couples | Christine Bennett Consulting | Psyche-Care |
North Shore Family Mediation | Stop the Bullying
© Christine Bennett

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Change and reflections in Winter

Well, it seems my winter has taken a lot longer than the calendar would indicate for the changes and reflection that have taken place for me since my last blog entry.

Many changes have transpired in my life, in the lives of those close to me as well as the lives of clients. Some of those changes have been life affirming and some have involved significant loss through unexpected death.

All of those changes leave me with a strong conviction that we never know when our number might be up and it matters to make every day count. Some people have the idea that making every day count means being busy and crossing off every entry on an ongoing to-do list. For me, making every day count means tuning in to myself and assessing what the count might mean for that particular day.

Some days might be filled with appointments which means I need to be on the ball and well organized to meet both the client’s needs and my own for adequate rest and nourishment. Other days may be days at home where I could busy myself with chores or admin stuff, pull out weeds in the garden, or head for the beach with the grand-babies.

Gazing at the bright blue yonder.
Gazing into the bright blue yonder.

Sometimes, just doing nothing is what the body and mind needs for making the best of the day. Life can become a bit hectic and overwhelming and when it does, making the most of the day might be just sitting on the couch or out in the sun and dozing. Vitamin D from natural sunlight is one of THE best pick-me-ups that costs nothing and is only dependent on the weather and your capacity to take time out to enjoy!

About the author:
Christine Bennett is a private practitioner committed to a non-judgemental approach of helping couples, individuals and families enjoy more fulfilling, loving relationships with themselves and others. Christine also helps separated couples reach agreements for parenting plans, financial settlements and bullying disputes.

Websites managed by Christine Bennett:
Caring4Couples | Christine Bennett Consulting | Psyche-Care |
North Shore Family Mediation | Stop the Bullying

© Christine Bennett

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Marriage Counselling – Recover from a Cheating Partner

Finding out that your partner has been cheating on you is something nobody wants to discover.

It leads to heartache and grief that takes a long time, if ever to find relief.  It can take years to recover trust. Doing the work of re-establishing trust can seem onerous for the partner who has done the cheating. However it is absolutely necessary if healing is to occur and the couple is to regain emotional and sexual intimacy.

It takes a strong and ongoing commitment by the primary couple to do the work of reconnection. There needs to be a daily commitment of demonstrating caring behaviours and planning fun, light-hearted activities together.

Basically there needs to be a new relationship established with new ground rules that may never have even been explored in the initial stages of relationship. This is necessary now. If one partner has certain expectations of how things are going to be played out while their partner has no idea, then things can go awry.

Most people aren’t psychic enough to figure out what their partner’s needs and wants are without being told. It is common however to hear, “He/she has known me long enough, he/she should know what I want without me having to say anything! Can’t they see the mess!”

Although it only takes one person to stray, cheating is a choice. It is a choice that is usually made when feeling disconnected from a partner without the knowledge or experience to handle things differently.

Feeling safe to communicate how you are feeling to your partner is important. The longer things are left to fester, the more distance is created and the gap gets wider over time.

There may be a reluctance to hurt a partner’s feelings by revealing the truth about frustrations or there may have been just too much conflict for self revelation to be a safe option.

This is where marriage counselling can help. During the counselling process the counsellor facilitates communication between the couple and coaches them how to stay safe even when feeling vulnerable with raw emotions.

Caring4Couples specializes in teaching the Imago Couples Dialogue which is a very subtle, yet powerful communication process for healing the hurt.
Couples Counselling: Christine Bennett

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