Category: Love

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Yet another story of sexual betrayal and public shame

Another story of sexual betrayal and public shame as Andrew Ettingshausen’s marriage misery provides more material for the press.

There is no doubt that sex sells! Stories of sexual betrayal and the intrigue that accompanies the discovery of yet another public figure caught out, sells newspapers and magazines like nothing else! The latest marital mayhem to hit the headlines involves a dude called Andrew Ettingshausen.  Apparently he is a “former Rugby League star” according to The Sydney Morning Herald. I wouldn’t know as I’m an-other-than sports fan and would have no idea who was famous or not. I know, you’re probably thinking I should get a life…..

But!…. I would still like to know, is it that these public figures are delivered and exposed to serve as a reminder to other mere male mortals of the perils of philandering? Or, is it simply that women don’t get caught?

It is interesting that the stories sensationalize mainly men in the public eye who are caught spreading their joy with women other than their wives. Is it because famous women don’t do it or is it that they simply aren’t found out?…..Or aren’t we interested anyway?

I do know that the damage to a relationship is just as great irrespective of who ventures outside the marriage or committed relationship for sex. And there sits a big assumption anyway. Is it REALLY about the sex? I hear often enough from clients that an emotional void in their primary relationship has led them to seek solace elsewhere. Sometimes the criticism and put-downs delivered by a spouse on a regular basis are enough to drive the recipient  out of their bedroom somewhere more accepting and nurturing.

Bettina Arndt in smh.com.au. June 3 2012 has her views on the subject. “With every fresh sex scandal, the experts line up to pontificate on why these successful men, men who have everything, take such risks for the sake of sex. In Ettingshausen’s case, his lapse has been blamed on depression triggered by concern about his financial affairs. It is often suggested well-known men are risk-takers, narcissists who assume they don’t have to play by ordinary rules.

Successful men are used to winning, used to getting away with it. Many of the theories make sense, but the real truth is that many of these are pretty normal men with luscious options jumping into their laps.”

Read full article by Bettina Arndt smh.com.au

Do you have a view on this topic? Please contribute to this post by offering your opinion!

Relationship Counselling by Christine Bennett caring4couples.com.au

 

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When Lifestyle Gets In The Way of Love

Welcome to today’s blog post about lifestyle and love. Lifestyle and love can often be incompatible and lead to a couple separating or conducting a long distance relationship.

There have been enough instances of couples in my counselling room now to talk about how lifestyle preference can get in the way of a couple continuing their relationship together. It is a big enough issue that couples and families have been separated as a result of irreconcilable differences in their way of life.

This is particularly relevant to couples and families moving to Sydney from another country. Often one member of the family is given a promotion or opportunity to work in Australia and they truly believe it, at the time, to be the opportunity of a lifetime.The decision is usually made in consultation with the partner and children and there seems to be agreement that this is will be a fantastic opportunity to live in a different part of the world.

In other cases, individuals who have traveled from other parts of the world to holiday in Australia meet one another and fall in love. They are here on holiday and then decide to make a life here together. This is fine and means permanent residency visas become an issue. Often one party is already sponsored by their employer and it is just a matter of time for residency issues to be sorted. This can take some time with all the formalities involved.

During this long period, if one party finds that living in Australia is not all they had hoped for, things can become tricky. Where is home going to be for the couple? One such couple made the decision to separate when the newly married woman was unable to settle here. She missed her home country, family, friends and lifestyle so much that she decided to return, leaving her new husband behind.

In another situation, an already troubled marriage was under greater pressure with a move to Sydney from the other side of the world. The stress of moving to a completely different climate, lifestyle, hemisphere and so on can be too much. When there is already stress overload on a marriage moving to the other side of the world or deciding to have a baby could be the tipping point of the relationship.

So, is there a way to avoid this happening in your relationship?

Here are ten ideas to consider. Maybe you can think of others to share?

  1. Be really honest with your partner if a situation arises that involves significant change such as moving to the other side of the world. To agree to anything to please your partner while ignoring your own feelings can lead to big trouble later on.
  2. Investigate what the change will involve. Do plenty of research.
  3. What support systems can you imagine putting in place to avoid feelings of isolation, entrapment and overwhelm?
  4. What are the consequences if the change doesn’t work?
  5. What contingency plans can be put in place?
  6. Is there an agreement on a time limit to give the change a real chance to work before bailing out?
  7. Is every family member in agreement? Have you entered into negotiation for a win/win outcome?
  8. How do you manage family relations from the other side of the world with those left behind?
  9. Is the change affordable in terms of time, financial considerations, career advancement and social/family connections?
  10. What sacrifices will you be making and are you making them willingly without resentment?

Do you have any stories to share about lifestyle choices and the impact on relationship? Please share your thoughts and be part of the Caring4Couples community!

By Christine Bennett, Caring4Couples

 

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