Category: Communication

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Lest We Forget….

Today is ANZAC Day and the TV is tuned to the traditional ANZAC Day march. My partner is watching, I am only hearing. I’m hearing the marching bands play their traditional music, I’m hearing the commentators do what commentators do. And as all this proceeds I remember my father and grandfathers who are no longer here to march.

As children, my sister and I would sit with Mum, glued to the television set, anxiously waiting for a glimpse of Dad as he marched with his mates from  the 5th Australian Survey Battery.

I am reminded again of the passing of time. As the saying goes, the only constant in life is change. This is true of war, family relationships, friendships and intimate relationships. They aren’t supposed to stay the same. However it can take some conscious adjustment to accept that life goes on and people we once loved as an integral part of life, have passed on.

Thank goodness for babies! As much as I miss my Dad, my daughter is busy breeding. So far two delightful boys keep me on my toes and there is a little girl on her way to arrive soon. The flow of life continues as nature intended…..

Intimate relationships also have their natural flow. Starting off at conception with the fire of passion and uncertainty, a healthy relationship will evolve over time into a more stable, mature entity. Like anything worthwhile it needs to be nurtured, given loving attention and above all involve the utmost respect.

“World-renowned researcher on marriage and relationships, Dr. John Gottman, says there are four negative patterns that often sound familiar to fighting couples.”

Gottman refers to the these four negative elements as “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

In summary Gottman’s Four Horsemen are:

  1. Criticism
  2. Contempt
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling or the silent treatment

According to Gottman, there are three things you should never say in a fight with your partner.

  1. Your never…
  2. You always
  3. Anything insulting, or acted superior

Are you guilty? What would you need to do in order to protect your relationship form these negative Four Horsmen? Please leave your comments! They are welcome here 🙂

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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What is your communication style?

Communication happens whether we think it is or not…..Even in silence you are communicating something!

Men and women are different too, which also complicates the whole communication thing.Women most often would like a sympathetic ear to be able to share their day – with or without frustrations they have encountered. Once a man hears about any frustration or problem his lady has encountered, instead of listening attentively and providing validation and empathy, he most likely wants to jump in and do the manly thing of fixing things!!

This desire to “provide” for his lady is often met with more frustration if she simply wants him to listen.

Here is what you may find to be an interesting article on this topic:

6 Ways that Men and Women Communicate Differently

This guest article from YourTango was written by Richard Drobnick. 

“Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.

Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of, to help improve your communications with your partner and make them smoother and more effective.”

Please add your comments – they are always welcome.

Author: Christine Bennett Marriage Counselling at caring4couples.com.au

 

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