Coaching For Singles - Find The Love You Want!
- Are you sick and tired of the dating scene?
- Do you find yourself meeting the same type that turns into heartache time after time?
- Do you want to be in the relationship of your dreams now or preferably yesterday?
If this is YOU, then you may need some help in finding what you are looking for in someone who will qualify as a life partner instead of another let down.
What is an ideal partner?
Dr. John Van Epp in his book How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, says that "it seems in most successful relationships, the two partners have a blend of similarities and differences in personalities, backgrounds, and lifestyles. The balance of this blend is what makes or breaks the couple."
He goes on to say that "true compatibility consists of three dimensions: chemistry, complementarity, and comparability."
CHEMISTRY: Dr. Van Epp says that this "has been described as a powerful attraction, a feeling of being turned on, a sense of fitting or clicking with another, an instant connection, a good vibe, and the list goes on".
Dr. Van Epp warns about chemistry:
- "Chemistry is not always a good judge of character."
- "Chemistry sees what it wants to see".
- "Chemistry is not constant even in the best of relationships".
According to Dr. Van Epp, "Conventional dating practices assume that if you have great chemistry, then there is no reason not to have sex." Using Dr. Van Epp's model for building a relationship, he warns that "going further in the sexual relationship than what you have established in the other areas of commitment, reliance, trust and knowing your partner will put you at risk of creating a false intimacy, minimizing and overlooking warning signs, and staying in a bad relationship too long".
COMPLEMENTARITY: Some questions to ask about complementarity, suggested by Dr. Van Epp are, "Do you find that you become a better person by being with your partner than you would have been without your partner? Do your partner's strengths empower you or devour you? Do you feel admired and appreciated for the ways that you are different from your partner?"
COMPARABILITY: Dr. Van Epp advises that at the very least, there should be similarities in the areas of "personality, values and lifestyle."
PERSONALITY: Studies have shown that "nearly all cultures placed high importance on the partner qualities of dependability, emotional stability, kindness and understanding, and intelligence." Other qualities identified in further studies were "warmth, expressiveness, intelligence, and humor".
VALUES: Are your partner's values around family, religious or spiritual beliefs ad finances compatible with yours? What about marriage or living together?
LIFESTYLE: Do you share similarities in the areas of work habits, leisure activities, and interests? Dr. Van Epp proposes that "deeply knowing a partner is more than just talking; it requires an ongoing experience of togetherness".
Published on Feb 6, 2014
Dr. John Van-Epp - Do I lower my expectations to get a date or stay single? See Dr. Dave Currie & North Americas top experts answer all your marriage and family questions at http://www.doingfamilyright.com